What in the @#%*....

the title of my blog is exactly how i am feeling right now.. what in the @#%* is going on.. in the past two weeks i have experienced sheer joy and feeling like worthless trash.. my emotions have been all over the damn place and its crazy... i dont know whats causing it.. or whats going on but this is not good.... I have been trying to find a way to channel all these emotions but I havent yet... enjoying being in my own company seems to help.. for some reason i like doing things on my own schedule... i work better alone most of the time.. although i am a team player i get far more accomplished when i am by myself.. maybe that is a solution to the problem.. i need to spend more time with myself... its so hard with this crazy work schedule.. there is hardly any alone time for me... I signed up to take the NY bar but i think i am going to postpone til February.. my brain is screaming not right now.. please dont do it right now.. LOL.. so i am going to take its advice and defer til Feb... there is so much going on at work that my brain cannot function or apprehend whats going on... i am about to scream..... by the time i think i want to study my brain says.. um no! LOL! i know this is a lot of mumbo jumbo but who cares it is my blog and i say what the hell i want.. now! well im off to bed.. im sleepy and i really need to rest... Good night all.

Completely Incomplete... Incompletely Complete

Complete.. finished.. ended.. concluded.. having all the customary skills or the like.. consummate.. entire.. total... Incomplete.. not complete.. lacking some part.. Is there ever a point in our lives where we feel complete.. we have achieved everything there is to achieve and no longer have any goals to accomplish... or in life are we always incomplete.. always looking to achieve more.. Right now I am at a crossroads... not knowing my exact purpose.. the direction I should go.. the things I should be doing in moving toward a complete life.. or is what I am searching for not there??? or is my purpose what I design? Has GOD given me those options? Am I thinking too much and not doing? I once read a quote that said "you only stop experiencing growing pains when you stop growing." In that sense are we always to remain incomplete because we are always growing and learning? If I did reach a place of completeness would I know I was complete? It's funny for me its always been hard to gauge just what I am supposed to be doing... I strive to be the best at everything... No matter what I put my mind to I can accomplish.. Funny because I am so good at so much.. So which of those things should I choose to pursue? So I raise the question or we completely incomplete or incompletely complete? They sound synonymous but they are not... oxymoron. I think in all we are supposed to be incompletely complete.. there is a point where we will be content but not complete.. the only thing that should complete us is the Lord Jesus Christ.. without him we are lacking... I was reading a book titled... Holy Play that says GOD gave us the option of Free Will.. with that as long as we pray and ask him to bless it he can still accomplish HIS work through us.. So instead of seeking completeness we should remain incomplete but find a sense of contentment.. so once again are we supposed to be completely incomplete or Incompletely Complete.. I guess that's for us to decide.... Going to bed even more confused... but I shall have an answer tomorrow.

My Olympic Moment......

Today as I was flipping through the free on demand I started watching different olympic moments they had posted for viewing... i began to watch some of my favorite olympic moments throughout history.... just to name a few... Michael Johnson in the 200 and 400 at the 1996 Olympics... The Magnificent 7 at the same games... Tara Lipinski at the 1998 Winter Olympics.. Sarah Hughes at the 2002 Olympics.... Mary Lou Retton at the 1984 Games.. Michael Phelps at the 2008 games.... Venus Williams at the 2000 Olympics.... There are more but those are just a few of my favorites.... I start to think man I would love to have that moment, the moment where you know that you have just done your best and you will be rewarded with the highest prize.. what we do not see is the hard work that those athletes into accomplishing those goals.. so I thought about it.. how much work have I put into getting my gold medal and obtaining my olympic moment.... We cannot let the glitz and glamour of the outside world take away from the hard work we must put in to obtain our gold medal... HARD WORK does EQUAL REWARD!!!