What in the @#%*....

the title of my blog is exactly how i am feeling right now.. what in the @#%* is going on.. in the past two weeks i have experienced sheer joy and feeling like worthless trash.. my emotions have been all over the damn place and its crazy... i dont know whats causing it.. or whats going on but this is not good.... I have been trying to find a way to channel all these emotions but I havent yet... enjoying being in my own company seems to help.. for some reason i like doing things on my own schedule... i work better alone most of the time.. although i am a team player i get far more accomplished when i am by myself.. maybe that is a solution to the problem.. i need to spend more time with myself... its so hard with this crazy work schedule.. there is hardly any alone time for me... I signed up to take the NY bar but i think i am going to postpone til February.. my brain is screaming not right now.. please dont do it right now.. LOL.. so i am going to take its advice and defer til Feb... there is so much going on at work that my brain cannot function or apprehend whats going on... i am about to scream..... by the time i think i want to study my brain says.. um no! LOL! i know this is a lot of mumbo jumbo but who cares it is my blog and i say what the hell i want.. now! well im off to bed.. im sleepy and i really need to rest... Good night all.

Completely Incomplete... Incompletely Complete

Complete.. finished.. ended.. concluded.. having all the customary skills or the like.. consummate.. entire.. total... Incomplete.. not complete.. lacking some part.. Is there ever a point in our lives where we feel complete.. we have achieved everything there is to achieve and no longer have any goals to accomplish... or in life are we always incomplete.. always looking to achieve more.. Right now I am at a crossroads... not knowing my exact purpose.. the direction I should go.. the things I should be doing in moving toward a complete life.. or is what I am searching for not there??? or is my purpose what I design? Has GOD given me those options? Am I thinking too much and not doing? I once read a quote that said "you only stop experiencing growing pains when you stop growing." In that sense are we always to remain incomplete because we are always growing and learning? If I did reach a place of completeness would I know I was complete? It's funny for me its always been hard to gauge just what I am supposed to be doing... I strive to be the best at everything... No matter what I put my mind to I can accomplish.. Funny because I am so good at so much.. So which of those things should I choose to pursue? So I raise the question or we completely incomplete or incompletely complete? They sound synonymous but they are not... oxymoron. I think in all we are supposed to be incompletely complete.. there is a point where we will be content but not complete.. the only thing that should complete us is the Lord Jesus Christ.. without him we are lacking... I was reading a book titled... Holy Play that says GOD gave us the option of Free Will.. with that as long as we pray and ask him to bless it he can still accomplish HIS work through us.. So instead of seeking completeness we should remain incomplete but find a sense of contentment.. so once again are we supposed to be completely incomplete or Incompletely Complete.. I guess that's for us to decide.... Going to bed even more confused... but I shall have an answer tomorrow.

My Olympic Moment......

Today as I was flipping through the free on demand I started watching different olympic moments they had posted for viewing... i began to watch some of my favorite olympic moments throughout history.... just to name a few... Michael Johnson in the 200 and 400 at the 1996 Olympics... The Magnificent 7 at the same games... Tara Lipinski at the 1998 Winter Olympics.. Sarah Hughes at the 2002 Olympics.... Mary Lou Retton at the 1984 Games.. Michael Phelps at the 2008 games.... Venus Williams at the 2000 Olympics.... There are more but those are just a few of my favorites.... I start to think man I would love to have that moment, the moment where you know that you have just done your best and you will be rewarded with the highest prize.. what we do not see is the hard work that those athletes into accomplishing those goals.. so I thought about it.. how much work have I put into getting my gold medal and obtaining my olympic moment.... We cannot let the glitz and glamour of the outside world take away from the hard work we must put in to obtain our gold medal... HARD WORK does EQUAL REWARD!!!

Happiness Depends on.... but Joy doesn't and neither does Happiness...

So often we say oh if I had this I would be happy.. or if this were to happen i would be happy with the truth being if it happened you would be no happier than you are when you made the statement.... because the emptiness, the void you are trying to fill cannot be filled with material things... its an internal spiritual or mental issue that is keeping you from experiencing the happiness and joy you are longing for.. first you must know that all the joy you need in found in the Lord Jesus Christ.... secondly, that in him we have everything we need.... why are we so dependent of these outside things to make us happy.. we see other people with them.. we see them on television... or we have experienced them in some shape, form or fashion. we have to take our focus off of them.. focus on us.. within us is the happiness the joy to truly live the life we want.. to truly experience the joy that will not be broken by an empty bank account, a non-existent relationship, a dilapidated car, or a broken relationship with a parent.... in us and the Lord lies the strength we need to be happy and experience true joy.. when you are stripped naked or down to the bare essence of your heart and soul how do you feel? if the happiness or joy is not there then you are not truly happy or joyful. working on a blessed and prosperous 2010!!!!

Been Down Too Long, Don't Sell To The Lowest Bidder!

I know i know it seems as if this title doesn't make sense but it makes perfect sense.. Some of us been down so long, fighting in the trenches so long that as soon there is a ray of sunshine, someone making an offer better than the situation we are in we jump on it.. selling to the lowest bidder without even weighing or waiting on the next bidder or prospect.... so is our plight... so is our story of selling short to achieve the feeling, the temporariness of escaping our situation... we think we are escaping but selling to the lowest bidder hurts us.. it limits us.. we are not able to reach our full potential..... we have sold our soul to the one who was not meant to purchase it.. the thing is we have been down this long.. we have been fighting this long.. we have endured the pain this long.. we have been in this story this chapter of our life this long.. hold out.. continue to fight.. continue to wait.. dont sell out or sell just yet.. there is something better.. something more worth while.. someone or something that is truly willing to pay the price of your worth..... don't sell just yet.. selling too soon will only put you back in the same situation further down the line... So just because it looks good doesnt mean you have to sell.. Don't SELL!!!! DONT SELL!!!!

READ THIS IT HEALS!!!

http://trespasstochattels.blogspot.com/

Changing Your Posture to Position for Your Blessing!

So often many of us blame other things for us not achieving or succeeding, yet we fail to look at our posture in the position we are in.... as I was writing my 2010 action plan I noticed that a lot of things on there I could change on my own and some of my own bitterness and misfortune came because of the posture I had taken in the situation..... For instance, I really like Houston but because of the posture I had taken I had taken myself out of position for a blessing here... I look at a lot of other people's situation and how we blame this or that but then I ask what was your posture in that situation.. did u slump down get defeated and take your lumps? did u retreat? did you go into the situation with a game plan? See your posture sets you up for your blessing... Now that I have realized this I know that I must posture myself differently in order to receive what is truly mine.... So before you blame any outside source check your posture more than likely its off....