Self Reflection

So I awake at 5:25am with a passion to write this blog.  I rolled over and figured out that I could not catch another wink of sleep without writing.  I have been trying to figure out what it is that is bothering me so much.  Well, I think I have figured it out.  See for those who truly know me you know I am the most giving, attentive, non-selfish person in the world.  When you call me I LISTEN ATTENTIVELY, when you IM or WRITE me I READ THOROUGHLY, when you call I ANSWER PROMPTLY.  Hell there is a long list of people in the world I would give MY LAST to.  Have you checked your list lately?  I bet it is nowhere near as long as mine.  Maybe thats part of my problem my list is extremely long.  I have not one selfish bone in my body, my whole life has revolved around others and their happiness.   I am one who puts everyone and everything before self.  So when it seems that some of the ones on the list don't exhibit the same behavior it hurts.  

See I once told myself I would become more selfish in order to advance my life and own happiness but I just can't.  That would mean ignoring and not paying attention to lots of people in my life. I love being around people and I love helping!  One of my friends once told me you have to become more selfish to get what you want in life.  They are right but if getting what I want means giving up me I cannot do it because what you want is always what you need.  God knows my hearts, He knows me better than anyone else.  So when  I say I trust in the Lord 100% its a lie because I also have trust in people and placing your trust in people will surely lead to destruction.  Therefore I will divert that trust and place 100% of it in the Lord.  Lord I am asking you in front of all my readers make me STRONGER, WISER, GIVE ME INNER PEACE, and an ABUNDANCE OF JOY!  So to the notion that I must become selfish to become successful is a LIE!  I will just take more of my needs into consideration now more than ever!

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